Finding Johanna

So lately I have been dealing with an extreme amount of stress and stress related symptoms.  I have NO idea why or what it is. I mean its because of work but I don't really know why or how to fix it. Sometimes its ok and other times I just want to run away.  I honestly can't 100% diagnose what at work is stressing me out- I think its multiple things but DANG it's really affecting me and my health.  I have gotten sick almost NON stop this year! I also suffer from several more of the things on this list... UGH Thankfully working out is a good stress combatant and so I  really kicked my own butt today at the gym.  I am rewarding myself with a delicious post workout smoothie.  GREEN SMOOTHIE  1 banana 2-3 TBS dry peanut butter (PB2)  1 TBS flaxseed powder  giant handful of spinach (use A LOT)  5 ice cubes  enough almond coconut milk to make it all SMOOTH  Hopefully being in control of my life outside of work will help me

I am so thankful for this blog and the help it has given me through tough times and how much it and the people who follow it give me motivation to keep on going.  Yesterday evening when we arrived in Houston at my in-laws my father in law said "have you lost more weight? You look like you have" which 1. was weird because my father in law has NEVER said anything to me about how I look EVER and 2. was AWESOME because my father in law has never said anything to me about how I look EVER hahah I floated on a cloud for a minute. THEN he said "Well... I am going to change that this weekend" hahah He is a huge food lover and cook like me. We share recipes and food love when we are together.  He boasted on my pumpkin cookies and hopefully later will boast on my pumpkin pie.  For those interested in my healthy Thanksgiving desserts here are the recipes.  PUMPKIN DARK CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKES  1 box of spice cake  1 can of pumpkin  1 bag of dark chocolate chips  pump

SIXTY FIVE  s-i-x-t-y f-i-v-e  you heard that?  65  That is how much weight I have lost since I decided to start this journey on January 1st 2012.  I have a little over a month until the one year mark! EEEK my goal is to see 80 gone so that I will be under 200 pounds. WOOT WOOT  I was really scared to weigh this morning but I decided NO just get on there and deal with the number and maybe it will be motivation to get your butt in gear over this holiday and not go crazy with gorging my face.  Turns out I had lost weight not gained weight. HAPPY SURPRISE  I immediately said to myself DO NOT LET THIS MAKE YOU THINK ITS OK TO EAT A BUNCH OF CRAP AND DRINK A TON OF BEER TOMORROW let this be the motivation to realize this shit is possible and I am SO close to my under 200 goal I can TASTE it and it tastes way better than greasy crap and a ton of beer!!!!!  I don't love this quote because it can be taken to a negative place BUT I am not I eat ... a lot ...a wh

Well I am actually really shocked at the number of views my blog has gotten this month since I have only posted once!  I can't believe that I have neglected my blog so bad this month. The reason is because I have also neglected my healthy lifestyle.  I am not going to sit here and make excuses about why I suddenly stopped exercising or trying to be super healthy with my food choices but I am going to own up to my lack of drive and hopefully this week I can get back into it.  Nobody said this was going to be easy or that I wouldn't fall down a few times along the way.  I have definitely not changed my bad habits completely and these past 3 weeks or so I have not gained anything from my lack of effort ...other than regrets.  I am not saying that I gained 50 pounds or even 10 but I feel like I have gained 80 and the FEELING is worse than the reality. I am starting to judge myself negatively and that's making it harder for me to want to get back in my routine. 

I have been sick a lot the past month and it has put me in a bad rut of not working out. It doesn't help that my husband and gym buddy seriously injured his back and has been off work on disability AND unable to work out as well. I was in a real groove of making sure I worked out at least 4-5 times a week. This past week I didn't go ONCE because I was sick for three straight days then my body was all sore and achey and while working out probably would have made that feeling go away and made me stretch out and feel better I decided that not working out was the right choice.  I have this battle constantly. I have allowed myself a few food cheats once in a while but for the most part I am really good at sticking with my food goals.  For my benefit alone I want to remind myself of those goals and how I can work harder to meet them 1. Stay away from refined sugar as much as possible (I do eat chocolate from time to time in fact as I write this I am eating a handful of M&a