1 Peter 3:3

I am sure it is quite normal postpartum to feel really gross and ugly- at least I hope it is. 

I have been having a rough time feeling beautiful in my new body. Even though I was gaining weight while pregnant I felt beautiful because I was carrying life inside me! You hear stories of pregnant women feeling fat and gross but really I loved being pregnant and every time I see a pregnant woman I get a little jealous! It is the post pregnant nursing body that is bumming me out. I am constantly hungry so I am constantly eating. I leak breast milk so I always feel a little gross and sometimes smell faintly of yogurt or cheese. (You're welcome!) I don't get out much so many days I never get out of my PJs and my hair never gets brushed! I have a love hate relationship with my hair too. I like that it is fast to just spray water on it dry it in 10 seconds and I am done but sometimes I feel slightly manish. I have a nasty incision thats still not quite healed and it grosses me out. I have been telling myself all month that I hate my weight, I hate my hair, and I hate my body. Then I looked down at my cute little baby and thought I don't want her to ever feel that way or to judge herself so harshly, and I remembered the print I put in her bathroom. 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3 

So these are the words I want my daughter to hear and believe yet I don't even heed them. While I don't want to skew the words into saying I can be a fat slob I need to realize there is a lot of beauty in inward character that I should be a little more concerned about, especially now that I need to be a role model for my daughter. I want to be healthy and strong and I want to care about myself and not put so much emphasis on my hair, my clothes, or my weight. 

The image I want for myself is to be a happy healthy Mom who believes what I teach Emma. 

I dont want to be overly critical or use the word "hate" towards myself! I worked really hard pre pregnancy to lose 65 pounds and I didnt do it from a place of hate but from trying to love my body and treat it well. 

I found an article online about reasons to love your postpartum body that I want to keep reading to myself in the hopes of loving my image again and getting to a healthy place mentally and physically with LOVE. This is from Nina of Modern Alternative Pregnancy:

"1. You had a baby!

Think about the miracle that bringing forth new life is. It’s amazing! And you did that! Your body needed to change to nourish this new baby. It took months for it to do that. It will take a while for it to recover. Take this opportunity to take good care of yourself. You deserve it!

2. You are wonderfully made

God created us in His image. And He gave women the amazing blessing of being able to give birth. Part of that design was a need for our bodies to change during pregnancy, as well as the need to take an equal amount of time to recover. Love that you are wonderfully made according to God’s design.

3. You’re (still) sustaining life

Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing. It allows you to bond with and nourish your baby, further sustaining her life. While you breastfeed, you need to take in even more calories than you did when you were pregnant. Remember that and nourish your body and your baby.

4. You’re voluptuous

Speaking of breastfeeding … One thing I defintely loved about my postpartum body was my ability to fill out a bra. I had friends growing up who lamented their large breasts, but I was part of the “only wearing a bra because it makes me feel like a big girl” crowd. I couldn’t wait to get boobs! And wait I did, until I got pregnant. Wow! Then I had a baby. Woo hoo! I was quite perky during my postpartum days, if ya know what I mean.

5. You’ve got battle scars

I used to put my hands on my naked belly and frown, telling my husband that I didn’t like how it looked one bit. “I do,” he’d reply. “My babies did that. I love your belly.” When I look at my bare stomach and see stretch marks, I see my “battle scars.” I proudly remember what I went through to get them and the sweet children who gave them to me.

6. You’re going through a huge transition

The body is truly a wonderful thing. And, after babies are born, there is so much change going on!Hormones need to balance out, your uterus needs to shrink back down and your body needs time to make this transition. It will end – relish the time to heal and enjoy your baby because it’ll be over before you know it.

7. You’re beautiful

I know it’s hard to feel that way under the messy hair, under-eye bags and clothes you’ve had on for days, but you are. I love that look on a new mom’s face when she gazes into her baby’s eyes. Pure bliss. You are so beautiful, mama.

8. You need extra nourishment

With my first babies, I didn’t want to eat more because I was afraid I would get bigger. I didn’t realize that I needed to eat more, and pay special attention to nourishing my body. The postpartum period requires special nourishment. Healing foods, like home made bone broths are so good for nourishing you during this time. Your body needs to heal and strengthen – give it the love, rest and nourishment it needs to do so.

9.You gave birth

Whether you rocked the natural birth you had planned or ended up with an emergency c-section, you still gave birth to your baby. Celebrate that! It’s an amazing feat that so often gets brushed off by today’s culture. After I gave birth, I felt SO empowered. Seriously, I felt like a rockstar because I had just done something that was so challenging and labor-intensive (hardy, har, har). Remembering that helped so much when I was feeling down about my body.

10. You’re a mother

Being a mother is a special gift. It might not always feel like it, but it is. Whether you have one child or eight, you have been blessed with this challenging and rewarding opportunity to raise loving, godly people. It takes a special person to do that. Just like you."