Baggy pants and bathing suits! OH MY

This morning I had to sing at a funeral and two things occurred one sad and one happy. The sad thing was that the girl was only 34 and died like out of nowhere and left behind two small children who were balling and unconsolable and it definitely made me think about the fact that I won't live forever and that getting healthy and being happy about my body and doing things that I want to do that I can't because of my weight is something I can't keep putting off because I could go anytime. I don't want to die like this... Remember you are not invincible and neither are your loved ones! Don't take yourself or them for granted. NOW onto the happy thing - My Mom was there and said "Your pants are about to fall off of you... you need suspenders!" YEAH my pants are huge on me. They are a size 20 and used to be tight! Now they are baggy and don't look great on me but I want to wait to buy new pants when they are a 16 so I don't have to keep buying new pants at every size down... EXPENSIVE!
That yellow fabric is my PANTIES! Yeah I can put them on and off without unbuttoning or zipping them!
You can't really tell how baggy they are because they are black but here is me in pants that fit.
Yeah and look at my face in this THUMBS UP photo from January
Yeah my face is less fat too thats EXCITING! At around 11 my friend and her son came over to go swimming. As I was putting on my bathing suit I had that fat girl alert moment. SOOOOO lets discuss wearing a bathing suit as a fat girl. It can be SUPER scary. I used to be more embarrassed of my body before college I don't know why it changed - maybe because guys actually started finding me sexy and so I believed that I was. NOW I KNOW I AM So now here is my bathing suit rant. If you are big and don't want to get in a bathing suit my advice is act like you are hot as crap and you will be. I have things that I just don't love about my bathing suit body DUH so do skinny girls so WHATEVER.
The side boob roll
The fat back
The fatty thigh thing
The delicious under arm jiggle
The giant butt that seems to feel 500 times bigger in a bathing suit. BUT GUESS WHAT????? I have definition in my waste below my boobs now... WHAT? yeah check it out
NOW - here I am rocking my body flaws and all in a bathing suit for all the world to see BUT happy that I am getting fit and changing so that next summer my bathing suit photos will be even more AWESOME!
Do I look like this woman? NOT EXACTLY (granted I am sure she was photo shopped..)
BUT I feel like her and thats part of the process. Feeling beautiful and being proud of myself. Like I said before a lot of this journey is MENTAL and being positive and self motivating is a HUGE part of reaching the end goal!

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